Don’t love anything that doesn’t love you back.
That’s tougher than it sounds – so what, exactly does that mean? It means don’t invest yourself in a car, a house, a potted plant, or whatever if it means that if/when it is damaged or lost, you’ll be a wreck.
Have you ever known someone who was obsessed with their car?
When they weren’t driving it, they were washing it, polishing it, or buying it accessories? When the (inevitable!) little ding happened, they had a melt-down and had to have it fixed right away. While it was in the shop being fixed, they fretted about not having it. And when it came back, shiny and like new, you were pretty sure they hugged it, weren’t you?
That’s a person who has invested at least part of their sense of self-worth in that car. In order for their self-image to be shiny, that car had to be shiny. In order for them to be seen as perfect, that car had to be perfect, too.
Substitute hair or wardrobe or house or any other possession you can think of, and you probably know people who are obsessed with those things, too.
Here’s the problem – when something happens (bad hair day, wardrobe malfunction, vandalism, etc.) self-esteem plummets. Once you’ve invested yourself so heavily in something or someone, you can lose sight of the boundary between you and the object of your attention.
And that’s a recipe for unhappiness!
Can you have wonderful things? Sure! Just keep a sense of balance as to just how much they mean to you. A car is just a car – you can always get another one.
Do you have a pet? I’ve had dogs all my adult life, and can tell you with certainty that they don’t live long enough. I invest a large chunk of my heart in each and every one. My heart breaks with each loss, but my sense of self doesn’t. I envision each dog as having come into my life to teach me more about love, so each time one dies, they leave me a better person. Sadder for a little while, but better. I’ve never been a mother, and can’t imagine the heartache that a parent who loses a child goes through, but hope that this idea of the legacy of love might offer some solace.
There is so much in this world worth loving, and the more you can find to love and celebrate, the happier you’ll be. Just be careful not to fall into the trap of loving someone who’s not right for you. If you love someone who doesn’t love you back, let them go. Let them go now, and don’t look back. Just like you don’t like every single person you’ve ever met, not everyone will like you, either. And not everyone was put on this planet to love you – find the ones who were, and don’t waste time, emotion or your precious self-esteem on those who don’t!
Save your love for the people and beings that return your love, multiplying it as they give it back to you. That’s where your love is best invested, and where you’ll be happiest.
I’m interested to know what you think – please email your comments about this. Thanks, and have a happy day!
Sandy Weaver – I work with organizations to boost morale, productivity and the bottom line. 770-310-6932, email@example.com